we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
