dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
