I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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