k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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