dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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