are you still at the devil's house?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
