i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
