Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
