med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
