: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
