What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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