The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
