ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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