I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
