I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
