Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
