i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
