Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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