I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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