Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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