The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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