I didn't shave. On purpose
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
