What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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