I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize