i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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