his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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