you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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