my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
