Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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