why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
