We won't sleep together?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
