Three words: puerto rican gang bang
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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