we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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