He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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