I think I died a long time ago.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
