we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
