Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
