lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
