the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
