I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
