I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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