Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
