I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
