these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was CRYING into my vagina
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
