I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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