i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
