See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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