Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
