I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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