Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
