What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
