Your mouth is God's brothel.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
