There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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