well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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