I think I am morally bankrupt
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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