I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
