It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
