I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
