i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
