i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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