Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
