Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
