I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
