what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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