I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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