it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
