So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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