woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
