today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
