Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
