why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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