Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
