so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
